"Rheumatological Blues" is a moody and heartbreaking sound that captures the frustrations of dealing with chronic pain, rheumatological illness and disability. With mesmerising drums, haunting melodies and sombre horns this single conveys the repetitive, solemn and debilitating nature of chronic illness.
Dublin based, Londoner "Love, Builder of Worlds" is extremely vulnerable about their autoimmune disorder in "Rheumatological Blues". Poet, producer and philosopher "Love, Builder of Worlds" is a trans-disciplinary artist utilising music, photography and poetry to convey their everyday reality. Unbound by mediums or genres, "Rheumatological Blues" is a stark contrast from "Scared For The Climate" their punk rock debut single about climate change.
As ever, "Love, Builder of Worlds" has created something for marginalised groups that transports you to the lived experience they are conveying through the sounds they have so carefully created. For disabled people and anyone experiencing chronic illness the artist invites listeners to patronise Olólúfè Collective, a space for marginalised people to create, collaborate and practice collectivism.
Wura: Gbemi my love, bring your book bag over, let's see what homework you have.
Gbemi: okay I'll bring it
Wura: yes I think Tuesdays Ms Adefuye gives out maths homework.
Gbemi: yes it's maths
Wura: hey you sound a little down? Do you want to talk about it before we do your homework?
Gbemi: I, I don't know
Wura: okay, hey that's okay. Would you like to lie down?
Gbemi: yes, I need to lie down.
---
Wura: you're up, you slept a good while
Gbemi: yeah I'm so tired all the time
Wura: okay you're tired all the time, I didn't know that. Is it okay if you expand on that? If not that's okay as well.
Gbemi: I don't know, I feel drained. I'm drained of energy, even coming downstairs I was a bit breathless. My energy levels just are like erm what's the word. Eurgh I can't think of anything but drained and empty. Like erm pushing, I'm always pushing for more but I'm too empty. Depleted! I'm so depleted. My energy is depleted.
Wura: I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds very tiring to feel like that. And do you feel depleted most of the time? Or after certain activities?
Gbemi: all the time, even weekends I'm so drained. Wura I'm worried about myself.
Wura: sorry to hear that, what's your worry?
Gbemi: I can't do things. I'm less good at things. When I went upstairs to lie down there were tears down my face thinking about the maths homework. I couldn't understand what was happening in class. It was overwhelming.
Wura: Gbemi that is a lot to worry about no wonder you were crying, my love my heart breaks to know you've been carrying this by yourself. So maths class today can you explain what happened?
Gbemi: I tried and I asked for help a lot but it was like after it was explained to me I forgot again. And I kept forgetting, or I would understand a bit but when it was time I couldn't put it on paper. I don't know how to say but it's like my brain is too tired to work. I think I'm slow now.
Wura: whoa, whoa slow? Who said that? I've never used at word and neither do your parents what's-
Gbemi: well that's what Sarah said. Well she said Gbemi are you slow or something? I feel slow and tired and just not like before. I don't know is it bad to be slow?
Wura: okay before anything would you like a hug? You've been going through a lot?
Gbemi: yes
Wura: okay come here
Gbemi: I don't know what's up with me Wura
Wura: I understand
Gbemi: I'm worried about my brain
Wura: it sounds very worrying with the tiredness and the forgetting. But I just want to circle back to the word 'slow'. That word has been used to hurt people who are intellectually disabled. That word has been used to justify violence and medical abuse against people whose brains interpret things in an unusual way. The word 'slow' carries a lot of pain for many people. When Sarah said it how did you feel?
Gbemi: I felt bad, like there was something wrong with me
Wura: exactly, that's how the word hurts people. What do we always say? Different not?
Gbemi: defective.
Wura: exactly different not defective. The energy levels, the forgetfulness and brain drain are something to further investigate.
Gbemi: You know I felt this way ever since I came back from the December break. I could be a new year effect.
Wura: new year effect, we'll have to look into that.
Gbemi: like new year and the clocks change maybe I'm still getting used to it
Wura: that's a potential, though the clocks change in October not in the new year
Gbemi: really?
Wura: yeah really. Have you been eating anything different or new medicine?
Gbemi: no nothing like that. No medicine or food change.
Wura: okay we might not get to it tonight. I'll write a note to explain why we couldn't do the homework tonight. Will you go bath and sleep?
Gbemi: yeah I will, secondary school is not easy oh. Year 7 is far from Year 6.
Wura: you're so funny
Gbemi: it's true though. Thanks for tonight Wura I love you.
Wura: I love you too. Goodnight
Gbemi: goodnight.
Wura: wait why you scratching like that do you have a rash?
Gbemi: yes that's another thing bothering me again after the December break. Well it popped up the same time we all had that terrible flu so just before new year actually.
Wura: you all had a terrible flu at the end of December?
Gbemi: yeah we had a walk after dinner one day with my cousins and we must have caught the cold being out in the cold. It was bad, Fola threw up from the smell of the cheese. Anyways we all recovered but it was pretty bad.
Wura: oh okay love sleep well.
Wura: chat does my baby have long COVID brain fog?
I wrote another script today, another two person conversation. I'm a big fan of one on one interactions. Group settings sometimes remind me of church and church reminds me of bullying.
I guess I'm starting with one on one interactions for now and then devel into the weirdness that is group dynamics. But there's a lot of truth in the one on one situations I find.
I'm glad I'm in flow, with the writing and scripts which is nice. I wish I could transfer my flow towards music but it really doesn't work like that.
How it works for me is the poem or script or story is read to me, I hear it and then I write it down. Same with songs I hear the song and rush to record it. My auditory creativity surpasses my visual creativity.
Layo: (on the phone) Tobi to Tobiii, big Tobs, first of all Tobis, people's champions, the gyaldem honey mustard, the biggest brother, your favourite cousins favourite cousin. How far?
Well sir, don't be like that I'm literally walking round the corner as well speak. Haba. Courtesy demands a 15 minute grace period for attendees. I'm coming! And when I get there you will be shaking because you're about to see moves you haven't seen ay the Olympics. Exactly that's why it ain't been seen there. Wait what that huge thing over there? Wow I'm round the corner from you it's gigantic. Oh wait can you see it? Yeah it's it's it's your massive ego. Byeeeeee
----
Tobi: Cmon girl still??
Layo: erm (why is he using the word girl with me, we've been over this) no hello? Hi?
Tobi: sorry sorry not girl but like really still all this on your face. It's could actually be doing you more harm you know. They are pretty unhygienic and bad for the environment.
Layo:wha- (unhygienic? Lord this is the last thing I need right now, he's ruining my mood)
Tobi: like cmon I just want to hang out with you, I'm not ill, we are skating outdoors look around Layo it's so weird
Layo: (yup there it is. Image gang rearing it's ugly head. Why does my mask bother other people so much? Especially the people that know I'm at risk, I was hospitalised in 2020, I've barely recovered from brain fog, fatigue and my taste is still fucked up)
Tobi: ...you need fresh air, you need to live get out of the house, exercise. Are you listening? Like I'm concerned and I say this as your cousin that loves you, you've put on weight your a hermit it's just not the move.
Layo: Tobi, listen to me carefully I do not tolerate fatphobia and I will leave-
Tobi: wait please I'm sorry. Weight fluctuates I'm sorry, I am really sorry. I should not comment on your appearance like that I know better. But know we are all concerned.
Layo: (we? Oh my dad was at his the other day definitely bitching about me because I practice COVID safety. He's a diabetic and at risk as well but traumatising me and our family with early death is no big deal. I have to move out of this country)
Tobi: and your dad was saying about how you switched to a new mouthwash he doesn't like
Layo: (yes the fuck I did CPC mouthwash can reduce viral load and he is at risk!)
Tobi: the house is cold from the purifiers
Layo: (yes in case he contaminates the air with COVID breath)
Tobi: and you've joined a gang of hypochondriacs,
Layo: a gang? What gang? What was he talking about? You know he's diabetic he's an at risk person and no prayer is taking that away. I'm trying to keep us safe and-
Tobi: you're overdoing it, I literally had pneumonia the other month and after a few days I was back to the gym. Fluids, rest then exercise and fresh air. You actually need to be exposed to certain things to build your immune system up. I've had some allergy issues and skin rashes and I haven't become a hermit, I've got on with it. Please take this mask off let's talk face to face.
Layo: I'm not taking this mask off, and I'm not going skating with you anymore. You're so disrespectful ! You are far from an expert. And guess what even the experts hate disabled people as well. You know skin rashes are a potential side effect of long COVID, also pneumonia is a big deal and all the gym in the world will not save you from hair loss and erectile dysfunction.
Tobi: God Forbid!! Are you cursing me? My preek and hair line are covered by the blood of Jesus. Please let's not take things to that level. Haba small play you cancelled our cousin date?
Layo: Haba yourself!
Tobi: wait now, wait. It's that deep? C'mon Lay Lay like play play it's me.
Layo: bye Tobi you ruined it
Tobi: but wait
Layo: no
Tobi: I have a question
Layo: what?
Tobi: are you going to aunty Sade's funeral?
Layo: you know I am, I love her. Why? (She was only 47)
Tobi: okay cool bring me a black mask, a nice one, matte if you have it. I'm so sensitive to the smell of death lately and it feels like back to back funerals
Layo: (oh you're sensitive to smells huh? And hmm it's almost like an excess of deaths since COVID huh) black matte got it. Bye Tobi.
Tobi: cheers well damn I'll go alone I guess
Layo: yes you will. And DON'T tell my dad! Coconut head. (Hmm what the hell I am I going to do now, I was really looking forward to this. He's even walking slow, unserious guy. Maybe I should?I always carry spares... Fuck it I need this.) Tobi ! TOBI !!!
--
End
Tobi: C'mon girl still??
Layo: erm (why is he using the word girl with me, we've been over this)
Tobi: sorry sorry not girl but like really still all this on your face. It's could actually be doing you more harm you know. They are pretty unhygienic and bad for the environment.
Layo:wha- (unhygienic? Lord this is the last thing I need right now)
Tobi: like cmon I just want to hang out with you, I'm not ill, we are skating outdoors look around Layo it's so weird
Layo: (yup there it is. Image gang rearing it's ugly head. Why does my mask bother other people so much? Especially the people that know I'm at risk, I was hospitalised in 2020, I've barely recovered from brain fog, fatigue and my taste is still fucked up)
Tobi: ...you need fresh air, you need to live get out of the house, exercise. Are you listening? Like I'm concerned and I say this as your cousin that loves you, you've put on weight your a hermit it's just not the move.
Layo: Tobi, listen to me carefully I do not tolerate fatphobia and I will leave-
Tobi: wait please I'm sorry. Weight fluctuates I'm sorry. But know we are all concerned.
Layo: (we? Oh my dad was at his the other day definitely bitching about me because I practice COVID safety. He's a diabetic and at risk as well but traumatising me and our family with early death is no big deal. I have to move out of this country)
Tobi: and your dad was saying about how you switched to a new mouthwash he doesn't like
Layo: (yes the fuck I did CPC mouthwash can reduce viral load and he is at risk!)
Tobi: ...the house is cold from the purifiers...
Layo: (yes in case he contaminates the air with COVID breath)
Tobi: ...and you've joined a gang of hypochondriacs...
Layo: a gang? What gang? What was he talking about? You know he's diabetic he's an at risk person and no prayer is taking that away. I'm trying to keep us safe and-
Tobi: you're overdoing it, I literally had pneumonia the other month and after a few days I was back to the gym. Fluids, rest then exercise and fresh air. You actually need to be exposed to certain things to build your immune system up. I've had some allergy issues and skin rashes and I haven't become a hermit, I've got on with it. Please take this mask off let's talk face to face.
Layo: I'm not taking this mask off, and I'm not going skating with you anymore. You're so disrespectful ! You are far from an expert. And guess what even the experts hate disabled people as well. You know skin rashes are a potential side effect of long COVID, also pneumonia is a big deal and all the gym in the world will not save you from hair loss and erectile dysfunction.
Tobi: God Forbid!! Are you cursing me? My preek and hair line are covered by the blood of Jesus. Please let's not take things to that level. Haba small play you cancelled our cousin date?
Layo: Haba yourself!
Tobi: wait now, wait
Layo: bye Tobi you ruined it
Tobi: but wait
Layo: no
Tobi: I have a question
Layo: what?
Tobi: are you going to aunty Sade's funeral?
Layo: yes why?
Tobi: okay cool bring me a black mask, a nice one, matte if you have it. I'm so sensitive to the smell of death lately and it feels like back to back funerals
Layo: (almost like an excess of deaths since COVID huh) black matte got it.
Tobi: cheers well damn I'll go alone I guess
Layo: yes you will. And DON'T tell my dad!
TW: COVID denialism, child endangerment, abuse and neglect, medical negligence, childism
Children forced back to school in September 2020 without masks or clean air infrastructure was evil. There's no two ways about it. Corporations and authoritarian state governments sacrificed the health and wellbeing and safety of millions of children to fill their pockets with cash.
And I would never blame the children for not wearing a mask to school, they should have been protected with ventilation, air purifiers and regular tests. Their parents failed them, the schools failed them, the local government failed them, children's charities and NGOs failed them, social services failed them, thinktanks failed them, healthcare professionals failed them, authoritarian state governments failed them and especially their future employers failed them.
So any adults complaining or belittling the kids' abilities, their attitude or mindset has no care or compassion for children. Utter and despicable disregard and disrespect of their real life experiences that are sure to impact them forever. And they are still being exposed to disease while having their immune system compromised again and again.
Effie I'm TIYARD. I need to slow down a bit. I have most of next week off so hopefully I'll get the rest I need. January I think I jugged too hard. I need to find a balance that works for me.
I've had Olólùfè Collective meetings like 3 weekends in a row which is rare. I've been working on this blog, guitar, business expansion, opportunities, car stuff, new songs, content, house maintenance and my social life.
I'm extremely grateful for how full and rewarding my life is but fooking hell.