[6/6, 14:07] Zeb: I had mango and Blue Runtz

[6/6, 14:07] Zeb: I'm happy

[6/6, 14:08] Zeb: I'm wearing a yellow hat and I'm planning my makeup

[6/6, 14:08] Zeb: I just had a very long shower and now I'm about the lotion my body

[6/6, 14:08] Zeb: Like I feel the fuck good

[6/6, 14:08] Zeb: And I've needed this soo bad

[6/6, 14:09] Zeb: I'm so excited to see everyone and show them what I've been doing.

[6/6, 14:09] Zeb: Share my thoughts and feelings in the open

[6/6, 14:10] Zeb: And infuse what I loved about Anti-Stan club here. Safely from my home.

[6/6, 14:11] Zeb: I can tidy up at the same time. I don't have to wear my mask, I can wear makeup and anything I want that's comfortable and cosy and have my house as warm as possible and do outfit changes if I want.

[6/6, 14:11] Zeb: Like my heart is full already

[6/6, 14:20] Zeb: Like it's such a chill space

[6/6, 14:21] Zeb: I'll be passively facilitating because I'll put on the music and the film and go back to body doubling.

[6/6, 14:22] Zeb: And I'm going to write about being super open to co creators of the space and co hosts and co facilitators

[6/6, 14:22] Zeb: Like if you want to rearrange things or make a change you are super welcome. I just want the space to be accessible and enjoyable.

[6/6, 14:23] Zeb: I'm going to add all this to my blog lol. Thank you so much P you really have such a wonderful friend.

Are* fhjfsjkkfsjlgdjlgdjjgjjg

So the space is also a spiritual space as well as a space with recreational drug use. The song is dedicated to Osun and I'm utilising the coping mechanisms at my disposal. 

If there's any accessibility needs required please message me on my phone. 

Captions are available 

Transcript will be available. 

Recording hopefully will be available as well. 

The song lyrics will be shown were available. A video description of the film will be said before the film and documented later. 

The film has closed captions. 

Attendees are not expected to turn on their mic or cam or utilise the chat if they don't wish to.

I'm really hoping for good ideas on making the virtual space more accessible. This blog post should be pinned in the chat so that attendees can refer to it. 

I'd like to lock this blog behind the paywall but not everyone's in the blog 😭 

Anyways finally I'll add the invitation and pray there ain't no trolls entering. 

Actually I have to put the zoom link behind the paywall unfortunately. 

Hi friends it's about an hour to the virtual art studio. This will be the last virtual art studio I facilitate over the summer and potentially beyond. 

The three sessions with you all have taught me so much and I need to process and practice what I have learnt. 

I don't want to be the god of the virtual art studio, I would love other facilitators to utilise the virtual space as well. 

For this session I will be co facilitating with the attendees. I am excited to experiment with the space, I want to practice unmasking in group settings and I'm curious on how co creation and collaboration can foster belonging. 

It's supposed to be a body doubling session that's what I had planned but I would like to see how it goes. I am really really hoping that we'll have the opportunity to share our work with each other as well though, that might be my only suggestion for the session. 

So many things are happening IRL that I must give my time, effort and energy to especially this summer. 

But once my hiatus is complete I would love to come back with another 4 virtual art studio sessions over 4+ months depending on the stars. 

Join the virtual art studio this evening:

https://calendar.online/event/page/c6f0157bcbcca165d81177d1bd7e928a3706864ee0888f0a0e

I created Rheumatological Blues on a night like this where my fibromyalgia pain was keeping me up.

The flare ups are usually linked to my emotional status. Sad, anxious, stressed etc. = flare up. 

I've had flare up after arguments, after uncomfortable conversations, after breakups, after mood shifts, after the dissolving of deep connections and after stressful days at work. My emotional state reflects in my body and it's so painful. 

That's why I distance and disassociate. I'm avoiding the potential physical manifestation pain. And often I don't even realise the true impact of the emotional pain until night falls the painful sensations in my legs pay me an unexpected, unreasonable, unrelenting visit. 

Right now it's 3am and I'm in pain. My pain is keeping me up, and it's been the same pain that's hurt me over and over again since I entered double digits. And after 20 years I still ask how to explain pain? How do I communicate the hurtful sensations that travel up and down my legs at night when I've been emotionally wounded? 

I'm using my acupressure pillow because I don't want to use pain meds. 

A part of me enjoys the pain today. The pain is like a manager that sets up too many one on ones. Overbearing and overly occupying my time. But today I'm sitting with my pain. I'm hardly contending with it. The pain is always a message. The pain asks me questions and answers my questions. 

Why am I hurting? 

Is it the pain of grief? Yes. 

Is it the feeling of uncertainty? Yes. 

Is it fear? Yes. 

Image description: cream curtains lit up from behind in a pitch black room.